Why Do You Hurt Those You Love Most? What to Do About It?

You love each other but can’t manage to communicate without arguing, fighting and ending up exhausted, each one in his corner, trying to lick his wounds and thinking of how to protect one self against a new attack. And in spite of that.. you love each other? How is this possible? Why do people hurt most those they love?

How come we can’t express our love? How come we are full of good intentions but when it comes to reality we find ourselves again shouting and blaming the other one. And then that monster of guilt jumps out of nowhere to our throat to strangle us once again.

How to stop this infernal behavior?

First let me explain why this happens.

We all need energy. We need energy to live and to survive. Energy comes in many forms : love, attention, interest, food, friendship, money, approval, recognition..

We all need this to feel good, to build our personality and to find our place in society.

But here it is : as long as we think this energy has to come from other human beings, we will get caught up in struggle. Because human energy is limited. We have to fight for it. Human energy doesn’t last. There isn’t enough of it. So we have to be the quickest, the smartest, the most beautiful one, to attract the attention from the other and to pull his energy.

If this doesn’t work, we try another strategy. We try to pull attention by negative behavior. Every child learns this very quickly in his early life : when he is playing quietly on the floor with his toys, mum goes on cooking dinner or talking with daddy.

But as soon as the kid hurts his little sister or is playing sick, mums hurries to give attention to him. She shouts maybe, she’s angry or worried, but no matter, all this is attention for the child! He learns very quickly which behavior gives him the greatest amount of attention and energy.

When his mother or father looks at him, even angry, it still is energy coming his way! When they shout at him, they give him energy. Negative energy, alright, but it is better than no energy at all.

When we grow up, and start to date, we discover a very interesting phenomenon : when we fall in love, we receive a lot of energy (read : attention, interest, time, love etc.) for free. The other person gives us freely and abundantly a whole bunch of energy.

We don’t even have to ask for it, we don’t need to apply any strategy to pick this energy, it’s all for free! We let go of our mechanism to pull the energy of others towards us. We loosen up. We fall in love. We almost literally fly. We are high!

Everything seems to have more colour, is more vivid, we feel lighter, life seems easy, everything goes by itself, we have the feeling we love everybody and everything, even our grunchy boss! Nothing can hurt us, we feel safe and boosted with energy. But this is his or her energy! We are flying on someone else is energy, and human energy is limited!

And that is exactly the problem! This stream of free energy begins to slow down, because the other one goes back to his business and activities he had before. Why?

The body is not able to handle this amount of adrenaline for a long period of time, they say.. but the real reason is we need to learn to pull our energy from somewhere else, not from a human being but from the source of energy itself.

So our lover gives us less free energy than before. We were used to this energy-flow and now we have to do it again by ourselves! Free energy is so much easier! We don’t have to do any effort to get it! And now we are getting less of this free energy, we don’t want to let this happen.

At this moment our old childhood-system of capturing energy is triggered because of the scarcity of energy (there is an alarm inside us that says : “Danger! Lack of energy!”) and the old mechanism to capture energy from others starts running in our head and in our behavior.

The mechanism that worked when we were a child to get the energy of our parents, will be triggered by the lack of energy now. We do what we did as a child to get energy flowing our way.

We can do this by playing the victim (Oh poor me, look at all that I do and nobody is grateful! Look how good I am and still life strikes me with disapproval, disease and misery! Oh oh oh!).

Or we get attention by being aggressive, shouting and trying to dominate the other one. A third mechanism is harassing the other one by asking too many questions and controlling him. A fourth system is playing silence, refusing contact, not to speak and not to react, so the other one will do whatever he can to get in contact with you again and this will give you his energy.

These systems will of course make the energy of the other one flowing your way. But what next? The other one is now low on energy and wants to get his energy back.

So now his mechanism is triggered by his lack of energy. He will now use the system that assured him the energy of his parents when he was little, to get his energy back from you. He will either shout at you, either playing the poor one that didn’t deserve your treatment, either torture you with a bunch of questions, or refuse contact.

This explains why we hurt the ones we love. First reason is we want their energy, energy they gave once for free. We hurt our loved onces most because they gave us love and energy and attention for free in the beginning and now we have to do it on our own and we are angry and want get back to them. We think we are entitled to have their energy still for free and start our mechanism to get it.

Second reason we hurt them most is because of convenience : they are always around, their energy is available so when we are low on energy we try to rip their energy off, and hurt them by doing that.

Stealing energy from another human being is hurting him.

What can we do about this? We should only be in contact with other people when we are sure to be already filled up with energy, so we won’t steal theirs.

When we are full of energy, and conscious of what happens between people, we can give the other one energy instead of ripping him off. We should not meet each other when we are low on energy. It is the responsibility of each and every person to generate energy by himself and not to depend on other people.

How to do that? By connecting to the energy that is always available. That is the energy of the Universe. The easiest way to connect to this energy is contemplate the beauty of a flower. You also can contemplate the beauty of an object or a person. You can listen to beautiful music, take a walk in nature, meditate, pray, dance, paint, read positive texts, work on your mission on earth, love your cat or dog, anything that gives you energy.

Make a list of every activity and behavior that increases your energy level. As soon as you feel you are in a conflict with your partner, boss, child, parent or whoever, do something to get yourself together and raise your energy.

Don’t say anything until your energy-level is again high enough to be able to send energy to the other one. By sending energy, you are sure not to steal energy from the other one. This is an act of love.

If you are not able to get your energy level any higher, go to another place, do something for you and wait until your vibrations are high enough to meet the other one again.

The important thing in a relationship is not to make the other happy or to expect the other one to make you happy, but to make yourself happy and offer this happiness as a free gift to the other!

Loving another human being is giving him energy!

See the difference? Do you want to love your loved ones or steal their energy?

5 Easy Steps of Exploring a New Relationship Without Getting Hurt Again!

Katie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman.

After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of years, Katie, now 48, felt she was ready for a new relationship. So she joined an online dating service and promptly met Sean, who seemed too good to be true.

Warm, compassionate, intelligent, and also on a personal and spiritual growth path, Sean, 55, was an available man! Now Katie’s fears that she would not meet someone turned to fears of being in a relationship again.

Katie had learned how to take loving care of herself when she was alone or with friends, but doing this with a man was another matter. She had never actually taken care of herself in any of her relationships, and she was very worried that she would let herself down again.

Katie wanted some guidelines regarding loving actions she could take for herself as she started to explore the relationship with Sean, and she wrote to me asking me for these loving actions.

So here they are some loving actions to take when first exploring a new relationship:

1. Stay focused inside your own body, noticing your own feelings rather than just being tuned into the other person’s feelings. Stay conscious of NOT taking responsibility for the others person’s feelings of worth or security, and NOT making the other person responsible for your feelings of worth or security.

2. Make a solid decision before getting together with the other person that you are willing to lose the other person rather than lose yourself. Make a conscious decision to NOT make the other person’s wants, needs and feelings more important than your own.

3. Stay clear on your own truth, NOT letting the other person talk you in or out of what feels good and right for you.

4. Be willing to take full, 100% responsibility for behaving in a way that makes you feel worthy, safe and powerful. Be willing to be who you really are rather than trying to impress. Make a conscious decision that being in integrity with who you really are, is more important than getting the other person’s approval.

5. Do NOT disregard the big or small things that you find difficult, intolerable or unacceptable. If something is unacceptable or intolerable to you early in the relationship, the chances are that it is not going to get better. Do NOT convince yourself that, because there are so many good things about this person, you can overlook the problems or get the other person to change. This NEVER works!

Fears of rejection can emerge very early in a relationship. Some people are terrified of doing something wrong and being rejected, because they make they other person responsible for their feelings of worth and lovability.

The fear of rejection can lead a person to give him/herself up to the other person, thereby touching off fears of engulfment  of loving oneself and being controlled or consumed by the other person.

Thus, fears of loss of self or loss of  often surface quickly and people find themselves either giving in or pulling away in their efforts to protect themselves from their fears.

If you allow fear to guide you, you will likely either pull away or end up in an unsatisfying relationship. The most important thing to remember as you move into exploring a new relationship is: LET LOVE BE YOUR GUIDE, NOT FEAR.

This means that you need to be open to learning about what is most loving to YOU what is really in your highest good rather than trying to have control over not being rejected or controlled by the other person. So, number six is:

6. Keep asking your inner wisdom, What is the loving action toward myself right now? What is in my highest good right now?

If you keep asking this vital question, you will find your way through exploring a new relationship without losing yourself and without getting hurt by the other person.

7 AMAZING Ways to Be Attractive Without those Creams, Lotions and Surgeons?

Beauty holds a golden mirror to the shimmering inner essence. It reflects true self-perception as well as the extent of one’s discipline.

Attractiveness indicates a sensitivity to those around us. Just as we shine our shoes, wash our cars or trim our lawns to provide ‘eye-candy’ to passers-by, we keep our bodies in the pink of health to offer delightful icons worthy of emulation.

I believe that beauty is not trivial; it is core to civilized society. Imagine everyone abandoning restraint and shuffling around in tattered clothes, drooping bellies, dishevelled hair, blackened fingernails and breath so foul only a mother could love? No one would be happy- except the mouthwash manufacturers. Those who shun beauty as superficial are probably too lazy to reach for a bar of soap or the jump rope.

But, beautiful people are not necessarily supermodels with Greek-god faces and unreal proportions. That is a myth promulgated by sneaky salesmen of snakeoil creams and dangerous bust implants. Let them slather that muck on their faces 24/7. Then, I’d believe them.

Beautiful people are Normal people who watch their diet, and keep their bodies clean. They maintain an empowered lifestyle, indulge in mind-expanding books and engage in varied activity that enriches their awareness.

Beauty, more importantly, is internal. The attractive assert their opinions and fight for convictions. Whether handsome or pretty, bland or plain, the internally beautiful betray an intelligence and burning diligence that reflects their personality. Recall that personality is molded by how we carry ourselves and associate with the world at large.

Finally, beauty is holistic. Magnetic people take effort to be the best that they can be. They understand that they are fusions of body, soul and spirit. Hence, they build up each facet by honing their talents and passions. They may have ordinary faces but lead extraordinary lives. These exceptional people are the best humanity can offer; they easily outshine the empty-headed Greek Models of the catwalk.

Augmenting beauty simply means caring of the body and the mind. It does not take much effort, just a tad of self regulation. Here is how to ooze magnetic attraction:

1. Books and periodicals are your best friend. Beef up what’s in your head and rack up more beauty points with your enlightened discussions. Intelligence is attractive.

2. Watch stand-up comedy. You will develop your sense of humour. Wit is a rare and valued commodity.

3. Is that a burger you are shoveling down your throat? Stop. You are literally what you eat. Want to be a lard bucket? Then chomp that burger.

4. Soap, shampoo and mouthwash are better than all the pheromone sprays, libido enhancers and failed nose lifts. Good hygiene is the honey that attracts the delightful bees.

5. Dress to impress – 24/7. You probably had one of those moments. There you were, in sloppy coveralls at the mall. Then you run into the boss or a beautiful stranger. Say this with me: NEVER AGAIN. One more time. NEVER AGAIN.

6. Ask and Listen. The most dazzling conversationalists avoid monopolizing conversations. Rather, they ask tons of questions. And listen for hours on end. Stop and think about that. Isn’t your best friend a great listener?

7. Finally, think sexy. Feel sexy. You are what you think you are. Your body follows what the mind dictates. The $3000 executive coaches like to pass this astounding piece of common sense for a hefty fee. Save the money.

So, get out there and glow. You can be attractive without those creams, lotions and surgeons.

Be bold. Choose beauty.

The Worst Feeling in the World is Being Unloyal to One’s Self.

I’m sure you read a lot of times this sentence : you need first to love yourself. But what does that mean? Is it about getting you a hot chocolate when you are cold? Is it about getting you a new dress when you feel like it? Is it doing whatever you want when you want it? Is it about putting warm clothes on when it’s freezing outside?

Loving yourself means to learn to treat you like a loving parent would do with his child.

When you are an adult, and I assume you are, you still have an Inner Child inside you. These are your emotions. At that level you still react like a child of 3-4 years old. Your emotions can not get older or mature. But you can get mature. You can learn how to respect them and how to handle them. You can learn how to take care of this Inner Child.

When you are not aware of your Inner Child, you try to live in an adult world like a 4-year old boy or girl. You feel all alone, afraid of the big nasty world there outside, not knowing what to do, where to ask for help, how to protect you. This is a very difficult way of doing. You will always feel afraid, fearful, doubtful, tired. It is hard to try to survive as a child in a grown up world. You will feel angry and afraid most of the time, and lost.

Why is that? Because nobody takes care of that Little Child inside you. Let’s say your name is Charlotte. You are 42 years old. Inside you lives the little Charlotte. She is four.

When you are busy in the outside world taking care of other people, of business, of getting around, of doing a thousand things every day, the little Charlotte will feel overlooked.

When you are always running to help others, to make sure their needs are fulfilled, you will be exhausted every night and cry in your bed. Sometimes you will get temper tantrums. You will feel very angry without any reason (but still there is one, a big one!).

All these big emotions are attempts from your Inner Child to get your attention.

Imagine you have, besides your children, husband, collegues, parents, friends, a little four-year old girl named Charlotte. Nobody ever notices her.

Nobody takes care of her. Whenever she tries to tell something and get some attention, you shout to her “Shut up!”. You say “I have to take care of my parents, my work, my husband, my paperwork, my friends, my other children, my house. I don’t have time for you!”

How do you think she will feel? What do you think she will do? First she will try to get your attention by showing big emotions. She will cry a lot, she will scream and shout, maybe she’s getting aggressive from time to time.

You think you’re angry at the outside world, but it is Your Inner Child that is angry with YOU! She is sad and angry because you don’t care about her! You act as if she doesn’t exist! Nothing is worse than acting as if our Inner Child doesn’t exist. This means trying to live as if WE don’t exist.

The worst feeling in the world is being unloyal to one’s self. Nothing is worse than this!

How many times did we ignore what we felt, to please someone else. How many times did we say to our Inner Child “Shut up, you are not important”, the other one is far more important than you are, go away, I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you? Awful isn’t it? And we do this every time we let come the desire of the other one before ours.

This little Charlotte inside, what will she do? She will give up after a while. After trying a long time to show her emotions, she will give up. She will get very tired of all this and she will say :”It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t love me, she doesn’t want to take care of me, I’m not worth it”, and she will get depressed.

Of course you will think you get depressed because of others, because of your work, because of your children, because of your husband or parents.

It is nobody’s fault. But you have to learn how to take care of this Inner Child which is suffering from your lack of attention to her.

When, after getting depressed things still don’t change, there is one weapon left to catch your attention : little Charlotte will get sick. Or she will get an accident. Maybe that way the adult Charlotte will learn to give finally attention to her Inner Child, which is as real (if not more) as a real child of flesh and blood.

You need to learn how to be a loving parent for yourself.

What does that mean?

First you need to develop an Inner Mother. If you were lucky and had a loving caring mother, you can take her as an example. Otherwise you need to invent, to create this Inner Mother, which is your feminine caring energy.

Everytime you have an emotion, your Inner Mother should ask your Inner Child : “What happens, my darling?” Listen to what your Inner Child has to say. Than you go on with the dialogue. Inner Mother says : “Come here. “Come in my arms, I love you as you are. I love you with what you feel.
Doing that, the heaviness of the emotions will drop pretty much. Than you say these words : “I understand”.

These words are very important, because most of the time we don’t feel very normal having the feelings we have and we try to ignore or suppress them, which makes them heavier. I understand, my darling, come here in your Mothers arms, I love you.

Stay with these words and feelings for a while, and than ask :” What do you need?”

Whatever the Child answers, you say : We will ask this of your Father.

And here starts the task of your Inner Father, who is there to protect you and to act for you in the outside world. You would never send a four-year old asking for a raise at work or getting to resolve a conflict at school or with the neighbours, would you? So why do you try it?

Send out your Inner Father to take care of whatever you have to do in the outside world. Your Inner Father is your male energy, which enables you to make decisions, to take action, to follow your inner guidance (which is located in you Inner Child, also called Intuition) and to manifest your Child’s desires in the world.

When your Child has a need, for instance to call someone or to go somewhere to arrange something, imagine that your Inner Child stays at home with his Mother who takes care of his feelings (I understand you are afraid) and that your Inner Father (another part of your being) goes out there to act.

Your Inner Father is that part of you which is able to handle stress, to take action, to arrange conflicts and all other stuff that has to do with the outside world. If that part is missing because you didn’t have a good model when you were little yourself, you will have to create and develop it.

Of course your Inner Child, Mother and Father are all parts of you. It is all you. It is just a model to understand what is happening inside you and how you can learn to love yourself.

Loving yourself is listening to your Inner Child, taking his emotions seriously, understanding what he feels and taking action in the desired direction. Loving yourself is having this dialogue with yourself every morning when you open your eyes, every evening when you go to bed, and every time you have an emotion.

Loving yourself is building a strong inner connection with yourself.

It is creating your own loving family, inside you. You will never feel alone anymore. You are already three! Call it your Trinity. Wherever you go, from now on you go with your Inner Family. Your are not alone. You are loved and you are protected. You listen to yourself and take care of that precious little Child that has been waiting for so long to get your attention and love.

This is inner healing.

How to Live Happy and Contented Lives?

Happiness is a now you feel it, now you don’t emotion. I know this from personal experience and from hearing of the experiences of others. Sometimes I’m very happy, other times, sad, joyful, contented, frustrated, and sometimes very neutral.

Several years ago I had no reference point for the word happy. I knew technically the meaning of the word, however the experience eluded me. Joy I could do, happy for some reason, no.

One day during a workshop the word happy was demonstrated to me with much laughter from the audience. Now I not only get happy but remember it also as a fun experience.

There are many small things that can make me happy as well as give me endless joy. I’ve listed seven simple ways toward experiencing a happy moment, but first check you have a reference point to the word happy. Find out what happy really means to you?

1. Remember or create a happy or ‘awesome’ moment. When you live the experience of happy your mind and body will remember. Feel the happiness in all parts of you, expand this feeling if need be. Practice this daily. To find the awesome-ness of everyday life, check out these two awesome fan pages that you can join today!

2. Access the Present moment. Notice what happens to you when you’re totally focused on a comedy show on television, when you listen to light-hearted music or when you dance – even if it’s on your own. I sometimes groove to a tune in my office when no-one’s looking  it makes me feel good, cool, gives me a break from what I’m doing and I laugh at myself!

3. Invite friends over for some play time. Organise paper, crayons, paint, and coloured pencils, whatever you can think of and do some drawings or paintings. You could also ask each person to bring along a plate of food.

4. Spend time with nature, go for a walk down the beach or park; observe wildlife in your area or visit a plant nursery. Notice your mood when amongst the spirit of nature.

5. Take something with you that gives you great pleasure such as a book, journal for writing or your MP3 player and sit and Be under the canopies of trees for a few hours.

6. Learn something totally new such as another language; pottery, drawing or painting or start your meditation, personal or spiritual development program. You are only ever limited by your own imagination.

7. Join a club or group that you have an interest in. You can then expand your friendship base with other like-minded souls.

With any of the above activities assess what and how you are feeling as well as where you feel the emotion and how much are you laughing, grinning, or smiling?

Remember them totally by living the experience and you will then be able to recall this memory when you want to.

Include to memory your experience colors, smells, sounds and tastes all the better for remembering your happy time with.

Quiet time spent alone can open the door to the possibility of connection to that most amazing and magical part of you that is your true self, the spirit within.

From my experience the key to a happy life begins with remembering who you are, know what gives you enjoyment, be present, and know that regardless of your circumstances no one can take away your thoughts or dreams, they are yours to keep for as long as you wish.

Amazing Tools: The Basic Essentials in Your Family History Search

Archaeologists have their picks and axes. Biologists sometimes need their nets and their microscopes. Like the other practitioners of their respective trades, family history searchers also have their own unique equipments in the exercise of their occupation.

For hobbyists and professionals alike, these are some of the more important resources and tools in searching for family histories, either one’s own or that of others.

Some of these are computer programs, some are real office equipments, and some are written compilations (digital and analog alike) of indispensable materials, all crudely bundled up as tools and resources.

Family History Library Collection

This is the world’s largest collection of family history materials and contains records from almost all parts of the world. All true-blue family historians need this.

This is not just a compilation of sources, but it also lists and indexes family histories more thoroughly than any other. It tells who owns the data, where they were microfilmed, and lists additional sources. It is available on the Internet and one can buy it on CD-ROM for home use.

GEDCOM Database Computer Program

The GEDCOM database program is used primarily in organizing and sharing information on the people in your search for family histories. And it is not just this program that had been responsible for the explosion of the number of family history searchers today.

There are also small and relatively low-cost commercial database programs available for every family historian, like the PAF and Family Tree Maker.

Indexes

Today’s important indexes include the Periodical Source Index, Riders American Genealogical Biographical Index, Filby’s Passenger and Immigration Lists Index and hundreds of smaller but important indexes.

These indexes may come in different forms (electronic, printed, arranged by surname or every-name, card, etc.) but they are all essential to the work.

Government Records

Government may have interfered with our lives far too much for comfort. Census, tax forms, social security, licenses, immigration records, land titles, etc. – these are just some of the more familiar ones.

But the records that the government had amassed had become a treasure trove for family historians. Another good news is that all these records are found in all ranks of the government – from townships to the counties, to state archives and all the way to the federal level.

Printed Sources

These are the transcripts, abstracts, indexes and compiled family histories. Also included are directories, gazetteers, and all the other published sources that make the family historian’s research easier.

These materials help us access the records just as well when, on occasions, the original or microfilm records are not available. These sources sometimes help preserve these records from getting lost into oblivion.

Genealogical Societies

For more than a hundred years since these organizations have cropped up, genealogical societies have done the excellent job of preserving records (by way of publications, newsletters, and microfilming), sharing information and easy access to them (through exchanges, conferences, lectures, etc.) and continuous interaction with researchers.

Most of them have their own research facilities and websites all in the name of sharing news and important information. (For smoother access, check out first FGS or the Federation of Genealogical Societies before you start your research.)

The Internet

The growth of quantity (and quality) of data on the Internet makes it an essential tool in the work of the family historian. In the GEDCOM files alone where hundreds of millions of names are at one’s disposal with just a few mouse clicks, the fast email access to anyone in the world makes the Net an important addition to the family historian’s resources.

Material Tools

The invention of the photocopy machine had greatly helped corporate business run smoother. For the family historian, it makes research faster, more thorough and accurate. Rather than writing cryptic notes, an entire article can be copied for later reading.

Cabinets and other filing storerooms are just as important as any of the above-mentioned tools. These are used to organize all the accumulated papers in the pursuit of your work.

All in all, these tools and resources are the basic essentials in your family history search. However you use them depends on your needs and your innate abilities to mix and match such diverse materials.

Channeling Your Energy Right: What You Can do to Be Happier and Healthier in Life

Getting energy to do the things in life that you want is not always easy. You need to make sure that you are doing all that you can to keep your energy levels up and to gain the energy that you want and need for a better life.

Figure out a good plan and use the law of attraction to make energy work for you. Do not get frustrated and think about what you can do to make things better.

Figure out what you can do to be happier and healthier in life. Having the law of attraction on your side is something that you can depend on. It makes no difference what you are doing and as long as you are working hard to be who you want to be.

There is nothing wrong with going after your dreams. The one thing that you really need is to have energy to make things happen for you. Channeling your own energy to make your dreams come true is something that you should be aware of.

Learning about the laws of attraction can be something that you get excited about and it is going to make things better for you in the end.

The law of attraction means that you are able to make thing work for you. If you are serious about being someone and doing something that you want in life, you should work with the laws of attraction. Being able to apply these rules to your life is going to help you be a better person.

Figure out what is going to make you happy in life. What are your goals and expectations? If you are sure that, you can make these goals happen for you there are going to be great things ahead.

Appling the rules of attraction in life are something that you should work hard to do. Gaining happiness in life is something that you should work hard for. You need to make things better in life so that you are not wasting your time losing energy. W

hen you are feeling good and having a positive attitude, you will find it much easier to get where you want and have all of your dreams come true. There is no better feeling than being successful. With the laws of attraction working for you there will be endless opportunities waiting in life for you.

When you are thinking about good things and doing what you can to be positive you will see that you are going to have more energy for the things that you want the most in life. There is no reason for just sitting back and letting life happen for you. When you are serious about being energized in life you need to work with the law of attraction and be on the lookout for great things.

Getting ahead in life is something that we all want. There is just no reason not to believe in the power of law of attraction. It is all a state of mind and how you look at life. When you are doing all that you can to be happy and to gain the energy that is most important to you, it is going to make things easier for you in life.

You will be full of life and ready to take on any challenge that may come your way. This is going to be something that you should be proud of and that will get you through any problem that may come up.

How To Bring Back An Ex Who Is Cheating On You

You have recently found out that the man you love is cheating on you. The word cheating doesn’t always mean the act of having sex, but it could be a dependency on seeing another woman, the need to hear her voice, a need to please her. So, you have caught him in the act of cheating on you, and now you want to bring him back into your life. Can you really learn to forgive him for straying from your heart? This is a tough question only few women are going to be able to answer truthfully.

You can bring back the man who is cheating on you, no matter how far the cheating has went, and no matter how bad the hurt is really inside your heart. The trick to bringing back a man is to think back to a point in your life together, that will show you what he loves the most. Does he have to be babied all the time? Does he want supper on the table at a certain hour?

Does your ex feel that he should be making the money in the home? On the other hand, perhaps you have always given your complete attention to this man? While you want to bring back the man you love, and change his ways there are a few things you will have to change as well to bring him back and keep him. You can be sneaky or just outright changed, but it will depend on how much you want this man back in your life.

What Should You Do To Keep The Relationship? 

You can be sneaky about the attack. If you feel certain you love this man, and you want him back find out where he will be and when he will be there as often as you can. Make it a point to be in the same places, and at the same parties. Get your hair done, your nails done, and be fun loving self. Talk to everyone in the room but him the entire night so he feels your presence but not your attention. As you are getting ready to leave for the night, be sure to say hello, and nothing more to your ex, but it is important to do it with a smile.

After a few run ins like this on several different occasions you are going to be on his mind all the time which will lead him to want you more and more, until he calls you.

The only way this sneaky method is going to work is if you are able to act as if nothing bothers you, avoid the fact he cheating, don’t talk about it with others in the room and more importantly don’t embarrass either of you by saying anything in public. Build his awareness of your creative sexiness, and availability without giving him the satisfaction of seeing you mope around. Be fun, loving, and sexy with every one in the room, as you make him notice you are a woman who can get by without him. Most men feel the urge to be in a woman’s life when they realize they are not needed, as strange as it may seem.

How Do You Decide It is Time To Leave The Relationship

The pain you feel every time you see your ex, no matter how much you love him is going to help you determine if it is time to leave him. If you feel you, need him back only because he left you, or that because his heart is not following yours own, it could be time to leave the cheater behind?

The pain you feel because you love a person, unconditionally is different from the pain you feel because you have been dissed. How can you tell the difference? If you feel angry because he is cheating, you are not truly missing him. If you want to hurt him, you are not truly in love with him. If you miss how he holds you, talks with you, or you miss how you spend time together just being together; you miss him and should think about taking the cheater back.

Should You Give Him A Chance? 

The decision to let him go is going to be one that is difficult to make, but you can make it on your own. The feelings of anger, and embarrassment are going to be two feelings that are difficult to overcome. These feelings are going to put a roadblock in the relationship forever, as you can never rebuild the trust while these feelings are present. If you can’t get passed the anger, and the feeling of abandonment, you should leave him where he is with someone else. If you feel confident in yourself, and in your abilities to get by without the man, but you miss him in your life you should try to get him back.

The only real reason to give a man, who has cheated on you in some or in any manner, is going to be based on the fact of love, and not a need. If you need him to care for the children, if you need him to pay the bills, or if you need him for other materialistic things, you should leave him be, no matter how hard it is. If you want the man in your life, just because of the love, you have shared, and the memories you have built together, you should track him down and make him yours again.

Being together, as a couple for love no matter what else, is reason enough to track the man down and give him another chance  but overall you are going to have to sit back and do some serious thinking about the relationship before taking that leap. Find the difference between the need and the want and you will be able to confront yourself, making a solid choice for your life and the cheating man.