Have you recently broken up with your ex but then out of nowhere they begin to text you? Maybe you want to respond but then you think of all of the good reasons why you broke up in the first place. You might wonder, “should I be talking to my ex?” Here are some ways to handle this if it is happening to you.
Should I Text Them Back?
Ignoring people is not nice but you need to figure out why your ex is trying to talk to you and not forget why you broke up in the first place.
If you have been friendly with each other and you have talked to them regularly then it is fine to text them back. People sometimes break up and choose to stay friends and if you are friends, it is okay that you text them back to see what is going on in their world.
When you choose to stay friends, make sure that your conversations are friendly and not romantic or sexual. You have to decide if you are going to text them back and remember that there is a difference talking to a friend than there is a romantic partner.
Being with someone means that you are making weekend plans, or you are trying to make a way to see each other but as an ex, the texting should never be like sexting.
On the other hand, though, if you and your ex are not being friends then you should not have any reason to text them back if they text you.
If your ex has been abusing you mentally, physically, sexually, or even emotionally, you need to stay away from them. You need to stay out of abusive relationships and make sure that you are out of it forever. An abusive ex that begins to text you is one that is wanting to abuse you even more and you need to even go as far as to block them.
When your ex that was abusive starts texting you, chances are that they want to get back with you. This is a situation that you need to avoid. No matter how sorry they say they are or how much they say that they have changed, an abuser will often go back to abusing.
Now, if your ex went through significant counseling and different treatments to stop abusing and they text you, you might want to read what they have said but you still probably need to keep them out of your life.
If you have a child together, this can be a different situation and you will need to talk to your ex about visitation or about a connection with your child. If the conversation has to go back and forth or if he is trying to talk about other things, he probably is trying to get back together, and you need to be strong and keep your head straight.
It is often best to get someone to come and be a mediator when you have a child together. This will help you to not have to have much contact with your ex and they can help you to know issues with meeting times or other things such as:
- If you have a sick child.
- If your child misbehaved.
- If homework has to be completed.
- If a time to meet has to be changed.
Ex Text to Get Back Together
If you and your ex have started texting back and forth and they tell you that they miss you, here are some things you need to consider before you choose to have real conversations:
- Why did you break up?
- Was someone in the relationship unfaithful to the other?
- Did they want kids, and you didn’t or vice versa?
- Did you want to get married and they didn’t or vice versa?
- Was there things outside of the relationship that caused it to be hard to stay together?
There can be many reasons that people do not stay together, and the question is what caused the relationship to fail and why. You need to make sure that both of you are happy.
Communicating with your ex in text or even on phone calls can be a place that makes you or your ex vulnerable. They might miss you if you were friends at first and maybe they miss you just like you miss them. Your ex might want to see if you have met someone new and moved on or maybe they are just looking for a way to close this part of their life.
If your ex has been drinking, they might be wanting you to come over for a booty call and it is best for you to ignore this kind of text and not to answer till the next day if ever.
Whatever you choose, you need to know what you want out of this relationship before you ever decide to talk to them. Then, you need to make sure that you know what their intentions are so that you don’t get hurt along the way.
If you and your ex have been texting b ack and forth you need to be straight with what you want. You can respond to the text that they send you but make sure that you are not leading them on or giving them mixed signals. If you are in a relationship with someone new, tell them.
You never want to lead on your ex and make them think that you are going to get back together. If they want to make up and they still want to be with you, but you do not want that, you need to stop texting them right away.
If your ex tells you that they miss you or they missed seeing your smile, you need to make sure that you tell them that you are with someone and that you have moved on.
When your ex-texts you and tells you that they heard “our” song on the radio, you need to stop the conversation immediately. It shows your ex is thinking about you and wants to get back together. If you don’t want this, you need to tell them that the relationship is over and that you have moved on and that they also need to move on.
If your ex tells you that they made a mistake breaking up with you then you need to listen to their regrets but if you have moved on, you need to talk about the reasons that you broke up and then hang up after a brief discussion.
Therapy and Breaking Up
Most people can break up with someone and move on with their life after a short while. If you feel that you are not able to move on and you are dealing with depression or hard emotions, you might want to find a therapist or a counselor to talk to.
When you break up with someone, it will be hard, but it is something that you can work through. Breaking up is often times the result of unhappiness and you need to remember why you broke up in the first place and always stand your ground.