Taking a Step Back: Why It Can Be Good

There are times in life when we think things are working out. Perhaps you have chosen a path and gotten into a top school, but things are slowing down, a job cannot be found and now you find yourself crumpled into a pile wondering where it all went wrong. We have all been there, all ready to give up at some point. Still, if we are willing to hang in there, make the twists and turns, things can work out for the best. Even when the past year or longer has been far from easy, there are some lessons to be learned. A few of these lessons are shared below.

It is Okay Not to Know

This is possibly the hardest lesson to learn and accept because we are usually goal-oriented and driven. When we decide on a goal and pursue all that that encompasses we have a focal point, but without a goal, we can start to become depressed, anxious, and even weepy. Still, it is okay not to have a goal, not to know what is next just yet. Keep moving forward, do what you love and stay open to possibilities.

Clean Up the Messes

Before we can move on to another goal or move on in life in general, we must clean up the messes at the present. For some this may mean drawing lines and creating boundaries with those in your life who are too emotionally needy. You need space to do your own thing. While this does not mean cutting everyone off, set and keep clear boundaries. Step away and free yourself to allow time to heal. Work on personal development and talk to others who are trying to improve themselves as well to see what has worked. Take time to focus on your own happiness and worrying so much about making others happy. This requires a great deal of mental energy, pleasing others, but it is okay to be self-focused. Figure out your personal blocks and work on them so you can move forward.

Follow Your Instincts

Though your well-meaning friends and family want to see you safe and happy, sometimes they give you advice that is not necessarily what you need. It may sound logical, but you know in your gut it will not further your goals. While this does not mean you should not find mentors or seek professional advice, take care of yourself along the way as well. Don’t put too much weight into any advice, but follow your gut. Thank people for caring, but choose what to do for yourself.

Big Picture

Even though it may seem like you are taking a step backwards, it is only a negative if you stop trying or learning. A calculated retreat allows you time to find out what did not work, why, and how to correct it. This takes time and a great deal of introspection. Take the time you need to be self-focused and taking care of yourself. For those on the outside, it may look like you are doing nothing, but in the end, the results will be worth it. A setback is not the end, nor does it mean you have failed, just that you are forging a new path.

Respect yourself before you break yourself

How many have you felt like changing your plans to fit your partner’s in any of your relationships? Or rather how many times have you tried to compromise on behalf of somebody else? Although at times we convince ourselves that it’s no big deal, females are always expected to be self-sacrificing. Nevertheless, one thing that should always keep in mind is, you should love the other person until you forget to take care of yourself.

We are not saying that you don’t have to be compassionate or kind-hearted, all we are saying is, it’s important to know when you no longer feel yourself in a relationship because even if you feel bad, you are always putting somebody else before you.

Therefore, if you are currently in a relationship or looking forward to dating, below are things you need to know about yourself and your needs before moving on:


Women, you have a right to how you feel. If you don’t feel good about something your partner did, let them know. Communication is key in a relationship. However, it’s very important to even be respectful while speaking to them about that issue.

Secondly, if you always choose to keep things to yourself when upset, try speaking to your partner when you have calmed down. This helps prevent more arguments. Know that you are not a lesser being when you cry over something. If they always say crying, make you look vulnerable then get that out of your head right now at times a good cry is all you need.


Spending some time away from your partner is very important. Do not forget who you were before getting into that relationship. Do things that make you happy, your partner doesn’t have to be with you every time.

There’s something amazing about solitude and having the time to grow alone. Know that individual growth can strengthen your relationship.


Do not feel like you have to do something that you don’t want to. One of the biggest reasons why people disagree in relationships is that one individual is always expected to do everything. To add to this, doing things that you don’t believe in can destroy your mental health.

This can also decrease your self-esteem as well as make you resent your partner. Good relationships involve good understanding and everyone should be free to decide what they are and what they are not willing to do. All these take us back to communication. It is key.


This has several meanings. It can mean you need to end the conversation because it’s overwhelming, it means you need to leave and at least be with your friends or it means you need to end the relationship.

This is very important, it shows self-respect because knowing what you need to leave teaches you self-worth and putting yourself first before the relationship gets unhealthy. Nevertheless, you can only have the courage to leave once you’ve taken time to grow on your own.

It’s true leaving is always easy than done, so, to solve this problem, seek advice from a trusted friend or family member.

Overall, all these four points just communicate the same thing. Self-love. Learn to love yourself first before extending the love to another person.

8 Steps to emotional freedom

We all experience emotional changes frequently. At times nevertheless, emotions can decide to be part of us unknowingly and we don’t dare to ask it to leave. Even though we tolerate its presence at first, the weight of sadness becomes overwhelming over time. The lights used to shine get deemed.

Have you been into such a situation? Overwhelmed by emotions everywhere you go? I am not talking about people who go through depression or any other emotional disorders, I’m talking about emotional distress that we all encounter at some point in life.

The good news is there are options. The bad news is that it needs work for you to free yourself emotionally. The following steps are a way of life and not short term solutions. If you try them out, you’ll see change;

What lesson can I take from this?

When we experience emotions, we experience them for a reason. Frequently is to learn something and take lessons from there but for others who get caught up in the emotion itself, we miss that opportunity to learn. Ask yourself “what do I need to learn from this?” it will help you gain perspective and move on.

Face it

If you decide to run away from your emotional discomfort, you’ll lose on the valuable insights that you can gain. Its true nobody loves discomfort, but if we embrace it and learn from it rather than running away from it we’ll gain more perspective and eventually find peace.

Do not wallow and practice allowing

Be at ease. Welcome emotions as they come and go but do not get caught up in them. Our normal reaction is to evaluate the emotion, get familiar with it and react to it or wallow in the pain. Frustrations won’t help you. Just observe the emotion, do not engage it. In the end, you are going to learn a lot about yourself.


Meditation has a lot of benefits. It has been scientifically proven that it boosts the immune system, improves health alleviate anxiety and calm the nervous system. If you discover that your emotions are trying to get the better part of you, try meditation.


There are different types of yoga that you can try. You can try a few and see which one you enjoy before deciding on one. There are many benefits of yoga.

Take deep breaths

This is something that can also be used although we still practice it during yoga and meditation times. It is an instant stress reliever and brings relief. Try ujjayi breath, it reduces tension, reduces pain and strengthens the nervous system. You can practice it on or off the mat and learning it is so easy.

Spend time in nature

Spending time daily in nature is important. There are many activities you can undertake just to spent time outside, be it jogging, cycling and walking. This is because nature has a lot of restorative properties.

Survive your Family

Does your extended family cause you anger and anguish or is it a source of strength? Not everyone has a close-knit family who can playfully tease about childhood mishaps and move seamlessly into dispensing wise advice without judgment regardless of what you see in the movies or commercials.

It is true when I say that a lot of individuals do not have a good relationship with family but have to learn how to deal with them during holidays. It is essential to note that your go-to strategies may not be enough since the holidays heighten emotions and nostalgia.

Try adding these tips to your survival toolbox if you’re unsure of how to face the family gathering this year.

A Sense of Humor

Survive your FamilyTake a metaphorical step back and laugh when it all gets to be too much. Just pretend that you are a character in a movie or in a dark comedy, it might be helpful. During difficult times this exercise may help you reframe your current situation and help you see the humor. Do not just start laughing out loud.

A Sense of Timing

Take the first steps towards building a better family gathering with an improved sense of timing. Identify the moment things took a turn for the worse by going back to the past. You will be able to identify triggers through this exercise and escape in time. To avoid major headaches you can prioritize to work on your sense.

A Sense of Understanding

The old saying about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes counts for family members too. It doesn’t mean you know them as adults regardless of the fact that you may share a bloodline or childhood experiences. Try to remember your relatives may be hurting too and do your best to extend a little bit of understanding to them. Just like you can’t accept abuse from family members, giving a little grace to your relatives won’t hurt either.

A Sense of Love

Find that connection between you and family and hold on it tightly. Let the love reminds you of the connection that you have with those people. If that doesn’t work you have no option but to put self-love first. A sense of love can save you from being hurt by others and at the same time serve as a reminder of why you are putting yourself through another family gathering.

You will approach family gatherings with a better mindset or an improved escape plan if you gain a better understanding of your relatives and the underlying complexities of your dynamics. These tools will help you survive your family and make your heart whole regardless of them giving you a renewed sense of affection for your relatives or a profound sense of appreciation for your “found family” of friends.

How to Live Happy and Contented Lives?

Happiness is a now you feel it, now you don’t emotion. I know this from personal experience and from hearing of the experiences of others. Sometimes I’m very happy, other times, sad, joyful, contented, frustrated, and sometimes very neutral.

Several years ago I had no reference point for the word happy. I knew technically the meaning of the word, however the experience eluded me. Joy I could do, happy for some reason, no.

One day during a workshop the word happy was demonstrated to me with much laughter from the audience. Now I not only get happy but remember it also as a fun experience.

There are many small things that can make me happy as well as give me endless joy. I’ve listed seven simple ways toward experiencing a happy moment, but first check you have a reference point to the word happy. Find out what happy really means to you?

1. Remember or create a happy or ‘awesome’ moment. When you live the experience of happy your mind and body will remember. Feel the happiness in all parts of you, expand this feeling if need be. Practice this daily. To find the awesome-ness of everyday life, check out these two awesome fan pages that you can join today!

2. Access the Present moment. Notice what happens to you when you’re totally focused on a comedy show on television, when you listen to light-hearted music or when you dance – even if it’s on your own. I sometimes groove to a tune in my office when no-one’s looking  it makes me feel good, cool, gives me a break from what I’m doing and I laugh at myself!

3. Invite friends over for some play time. Organise paper, crayons, paint, and coloured pencils, whatever you can think of and do some drawings or paintings. You could also ask each person to bring along a plate of food.

4. Spend time with nature, go for a walk down the beach or park; observe wildlife in your area or visit a plant nursery. Notice your mood when amongst the spirit of nature.

5. Take something with you that gives you great pleasure such as a book, journal for writing or your MP3 player and sit and Be under the canopies of trees for a few hours.

6. Learn something totally new such as another language; pottery, drawing or painting or start your meditation, personal or spiritual development program. You are only ever limited by your own imagination.

7. Join a club or group that you have an interest in. You can then expand your friendship base with other like-minded souls.

With any of the above activities assess what and how you are feeling as well as where you feel the emotion and how much are you laughing, grinning, or smiling?

Remember them totally by living the experience and you will then be able to recall this memory when you want to.

Include to memory your experience colors, smells, sounds and tastes all the better for remembering your happy time with.

Quiet time spent alone can open the door to the possibility of connection to that most amazing and magical part of you that is your true self, the spirit within.

From my experience the key to a happy life begins with remembering who you are, know what gives you enjoyment, be present, and know that regardless of your circumstances no one can take away your thoughts or dreams, they are yours to keep for as long as you wish.