You know the feeling well. You see a girl and seemingly fall in love, or at least heavy-like, instantly. She could be your dream girl. After a few days of pondering the idea and maybe talking to a few friends, you decide to ask her out.
Then, she says no. It’s a crash and burn.
At this point, many questions are going through your head and you need to process her rejection. How you process it determines what you should do next. For some, no just means not right now. Girls, and women, are also prone to change their minds once they find out more about you.
What Did She Say?
Most women will give you some sort of answer with the rejection. They do this to let you know if you stand a chance or not, although some give excuses just to be polite even when they aren’t interested.
Standard answers are “I already have a date,” “I’m busy that night,” and “I have plans.” All of those are nice ways of saying they aren’t interested. A girl who isn’t interested but just busy will follow up their excuse with “but I have next Saturday free” or “maybe some other time.”
Other responses could be things like “I don’t think it would work out between us,” “I’m sorry, I’m not interested,” or even the high school cackle of “really? why would I go out with you?”
While some of these are blunt, even rude, the girl who says these things wants to make it clear she is not interested.
Even beyond that, there could be an underlying reason for her rejection and it has nothing to do with you or your worthiness.
It’s a bad time.
Some people have bad days and this could affect their answers. A girl who was just embarrassed in a class by a teacher or professor, had a fight with her parents, or a career girl with an impossible schedule could react rudely.
She’s in a relationship.
Some guys mistake chemistry for an invitation to ask a girl out. Girls may unknowingly produce vibes even when they are in another relationship or you could have misread them. Maybe she asked for help from you and you took that wrongly. In any case, she’s unavailable at the moment.
Some girls, and even women, are unconfident or shy so they say no. Some, especially those who have been hurt before, question the motives of any guy asking them out so they say no.
She’s not over her last boyfriend.
Girls take a while to get over a breakup and won’t date right away. They need time to process what went wrong, whether they are to blame and to build up their confidence again. The good news is most will tell you they aren’t ready when you ask them out so you can try again later.
She doesn’t want to date now.
Some women and girls decide to take a break from dating at times. It could be they want to reset their priorities, focus on their studies or career, or maybe they are just tired of the whole dating scene. There are times when women want to focus on themselves and deal with their issues and dating isn’t a part of that.
They want friendship.
Guys hate the friend zone but some fall into it anyway. There are just some guys that girls will love dearly as a friend but nothing more. This could be the case if you have been close to her for some time without going out.
She’s just not into you.
Girls typically won’t go out with a guy they feel they have no chemistry with. They have an image of the “perfect guy” in their head and you just aren’t it. This can change, so be around but not hovering.
How to Handle the Situation
You don’t understand her rejection and your pride is hurt. Accept that. Rejection hurts. However, it doesn’t make you any less worthy of her or anyone else. You are a good person and are lovable. It just might not be her.
Don’t dwell on her answer. If you have questions, ask them while she is rejecting you not after you walk away. For instance, if she says “You’re just not my type,” ask her what her type is. When she answers, just say “good to know” and walk away.
Don’t stalk her, talk about her with friends, or continue to try to convince her to go out. That makes you look desperate and even creepy. Maintain your current place in her life, whatever that is, and don’t seek more.
Move on with your life while you wait out the situation to see if she and her boyfriend break up, her feelings change, or the situation changes. Go out with your friends. Even go out with other people. Live your life.
Here’s a secret about girls and women. They like what they can’t have. Even those who told you they weren’t interested in you will take second notice when they see that you aren’t pining for them.
There’s another tip that guys should know. Women and girls are drawn to confidence more than anything else. Moving on while keeping the door open shows confidence and they will start paying attention. That will help you later on when you may want to try to ask them out again.
Just make sure it’s not too soon. Let her simmer for a while. She may need time to get her own life in order or get out of a relationship. Maintain your cool until then. Be nice and friendly but not desperate.
Something to remember is there are lots of girls out there. She isn’t the only one, even though you may think that she is right now. Even if it doesn’t ever work out with this girl, it will work out with someone. Just give it time.