Things to Ask Before Getting Married

Getting Married

Getting married isn’t something little but it’s a really big deal. Of course, most people already know this! The thing is though, that marriage is not just having a wedding and this relationship is supposed to last your entire life.

Before jumping into marriage, you should discuss these marriage questions with your partner. Make sure that you know what you want and what they want. Even if some of the questions sound scary to answer, trust yourself and your partner to make the best choices.

Asking a Guy Before Marriage

Rather you are about to get married, or you are planning on being asked soon, here are some things you should ask your partner before you ever get married.

  • What Makes You Want to Get Married?

This is probably the most important question before you get married because you should know exactly what you want and why you want to get married. Rather this is having a safe and stable home or the commitment level making you desire it, figure out what holds value to your life.

Asking this kind of question will help you to deal with not just the wedding but the marriage that goes way beyond that.

  • What Happens if We Disagree?

Does the person that you are going to marry have a good temper or do they get into a rage when something goes wrong. Figure out how you will handle disagreements and how you will understand each other when this happens.

  • Do Your Parents Influence Your Marriage Ideas?

Some people allow their parents marriages to influence their marriage. They might see that their parents have been married for so many years or they might see that their parents have been through a nasty divorce.

Discuss how your parents relationships went and what you learned from them so that you can see how marriage is impacted by life.

  • What Kind of Wedding Are You Dreaming Of?

Discussing the kind of wedding is important because you will want to be in an agreement when you make this decision. Some will want something simple while others will want a lavish wedding.

  • Will the Families Be Involved?

There are many people that are close to their families and them being involved in the wedding and in life will be important. It is important to discuss your expectations in your own home and outside of the home.

How much will each other’s family be in your life each day? Will some of them do childcare and will some of them be coming to your house often? It can be hard to blend families sometimes and so the changes should be talked about.

  • Last Name Changes

Most people in traditional times wanted to take on their husbands last name but this has changed over time. You might decide to keep your own last name or to hyphenate it. You need to discuss this for yourself and your partner and what will happen if you have children.

  • Alone Time

Everyone needs to have their own space and alone time here and there. Talk about the small things like this so that you don’t end up feeling lonely or feeling shunned if your partner needs more time.

Find out what alone time means for you and your partner. For some it could mean them going away for a weekend but for others it could mean them just going on a small walk around the block.

  • What Won’t You Negotiate About?

What are things that you find are so important that you won’t negotiate about? These are important in some relationships. Maybe you have a tradition that you refuse to break, or you always have lunch with your dad on Fridays. Will you break these or are these for life?

  • What Happens When You Die?

Even though this sounds like something no one wants to talk about, discussing your funeral and other things is important before you get married. This means that you will know how your partner wants to be buried and where they want their body to go and the same for you. What do you want your funeral to look like?

  • Deal Breakers

Everyone has deal breakers that will end a relationship and you need to discuss these with your partner. Cheating should be a deal breaker and other giant things that could end with divorce. And what are you going to split if there is a divorce? Will you have custody arrangements if you have children?

  • What Does Cheating Look Like?

What constitutes as cheating for you? You might think porn is cheating while someone else might think that even a kiss is okay.

  • Who is Important in Your World?

Do you have kids and your family that is super important to you? Talk to your partner about who they are and who they have that is special to them.

  • Love Language

Everyone has their own love language, and this is how they express love. Figure out your love language and your partners so that you can meet each other’s needs. Learn to understand each other before you ever get started.

  • Dealing with Changes

If something changes, how will you deal with this together? This can cause a lot of stress in life and in relationships and how will you work through these things? Understand that if your partner deals with negative things in a bad way that you need to work through those things. You might need to work on your own even.

  • What is Hard to Talk About?

Figure out what is hard to talk about. Do you have a hard time talking about sex? Discuss these things so that you can be comfortable.

  • Social Media

You need to talk about what is allowed on social media. What do you want to share and what do you want to keep private?

  • What if You Are Falling Apart in the Relationship?

Sometimes relationships will struggle, and you should discuss what to do if the relationship is failing. Some things like sicknesses or having children or changes can put a strain on the relationship. Discuss how you will recover your intimacy if this happens.

  • Do You Feel Safe or Unsafe?

Ask about safety. Is there anything that you do that makes your partner feel unsafe like say you’re going to leave when you argue? Figure it out and discuss this so that you can fix it before you get married.

  • Where Do You Want to Talk About Things?

When hard things come up, there should be places where you can discuss them safely. Is this over dinner or is this at bedtime? You have to come up with your own answers to this. Even though life is busy, you probably shouldn’t be talking about negative things before you go to bed at night and you should never stay angry.

  • Do You Have Secrets?

Talk about anything that you aren’t telling your partner and vice versa. If there are secrets, then they need to be talked about before you move forward.

  • What Are Your Finances Like?

Talk about your finances and your bills before you ever decide to get married. This has to do with the wedding as well.

  • Are You Splitting Finances?

Will you choose to split things financially? Maybe you have bills or credit cards to your favorite stores. Will you have your partner put all their money in and pay for those or will there be things that you want to pay for on y our own.

Will you have a joint or a separate bank account? If you are going to have children, who will leave for maternity or paternity leave Will you combine your assets?

  • Are You Saving for Something Special?

Is there anything that you want to save for such as a long vacation or a new car? Talk about this and see about saving up for things together.

  • Are You Leaving a Will?

Is there a will that you are going to leave to your partner, or do they have one for you? You don’t want to leave things like this out because they can get confusing when someone dies.

  • Are You Spending or Saving?

Some people are great at saving while others like to spend everything that they have or live from check to check. You might be someone that saves for rainy days or emergencies. You need to talk about this and how to compromise.

  • What Is Your Sex Life Like?

This can be a hard conversation, but you should talk about this so that you can be happy with sex in your marriage. Is there anything you would like to try that is new? Be honest about your sexuality.

  • How Will You Handle Sex Drives?

Sometimes someone doesn’t want to have sex in the relationship for a while and sometimes someone wants to have a lot of sex. You need to discuss how to handle times like this and how to consider each other in the marriage.

  • Do You Want to Have Kids?

This is a big one. You should discuss having kids before you ever decide to get married. Don’t ever expect that your partner will change their mind. You might not agree on how many kids to have and that’s okay, but you need to make sure you both want or don’t want them.

  • How Will You Raise the Kids?

This is another big question, and you should talk about discipline and other things that you want to know when raising a family. Will you homeschool them or send them to school? Will you expect them to give up their evenings to spend with the children?

  • What If You Can’t Have Children?

Discuss if one of you aren’t able to have children. Will you try other things such as adoption or surrogacy?

  • What Do You Feel About Religion?

This can be a big question when there are two people that are from different religious backgrounds. If you have children, will they follow your religion or your partners religion?

  • Where Are You Living?

Discuss where you will live rather in the city or the country. What about how many rooms you want? Will you rent or buy a house? Remember if you have children in the future what will that look like?

  • Do You Have a Dream Home?

Everyone dreams of having a home someday. What are your dreams? To live in a mansion or to live in an apartment?

  • Who Will Do the Chores?

Will you negotiate on the chores and split them? What if one works full time and the other stays at home? Make sure that you consider all the factors.

  • What is Your Political Beliefs?

Do you have the same political beliefs? How will you talk about these things?

  • What About Holidays and Celebrations?

Will you celebrate Christmas and other holidays with certain traditions? Maybe you have a different upbringing, and you celebrate Hanukkah or Eid? You should compare what you do to celebrate and see how you will do it in your home.

Don’t forget birthdays and anniversaries. Will you buy gifts, or will you give cards?

  • What is Your Dream Vacation?

Do you have a dream vacation that you want to try someday? Even though this might not ever happen, talk about it with your partner and see if there is any compromise that can make it work.

  • What kind of Career Will You Have?

Career discussions are important because you need to be clear about what kind of job you are going to have and how much working means to you. Maybe you don’t want to not work, and this is important as well.

Be clear about your job if you love it and discuss how much work will be done at work and at home.

  • Do You Want Pets?

Even though this can be a little question, if you love dogs and your partner is allergic to them, this should be talked about.

  • What Do You Want to Do When You Retire?

When your partner retires, they might want to travel the world while some will want to just be at home raising grandchildren. What does your future look like in your eyes?

  • What to Know When Getting Married

Marriage is a big deal, and you should work through things before you ever get started. Remember, here is what marriage means:

      • Joining Families

You are joining your families together and it won’t be just about you.

      • Intimacy

You should have emotional and physical intimacy with your partner, and you should have less boundaries than when you dated them.

      • Values

Values are important and even if they change over time, they will be important to both of you.

      • Having Change

Change will have to happen sometimes and when it does then you need to be able to handle it together.

      • Working

Just because you get married doesn’t mean the job stops and the work. Sometimes there will be a lot of stress in the marriage and you need to be able to handle all of this even when it means having hard discussions.

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