Conflict happens in many conversations and you can tell that there is going to be conflict almost right when someone starts to talk. When people are married, most of the time when divorces happen it happens because of arguments and conflicts that people cannot seem to get past.
It seems that most of the conversations start the same and end up in a fight. When you start a conversation aware of what you are going to say or if you decide that you are going to allow the emotions of your partner or your own emotions to trigger you to be defensive, it can cause conflicts with your partner.
When you are aware of what you are feeling when you talk to someone, you allow there to be a softer way to communicate. This can cause you to have a more intimate connection.
There are times when you feel that you are going to have a conversation and it is going to be biased and cause you to be against them in the conversation. When you have this bias, you will see that you will react to something and often not even realize the strong response that you are having. Once you realize this is happening, you can change the way that you talk to your partner.
First, being gentle is a way that you can soften the conversation from the beginning. You have to learn to be receptive and to share what you are feeling with an open area that you can say what you need to each other. You can state your perspective, but you also have to learn to accept what your partner is saying without blaming them or making them feel wrong because of their point of view.
When you approach a conversation in a hurry or being upset, it can cause you to be defensive and protective and this does not allow you to have empathy for other people or to hear what they want to say to you.
Approaching a conversation aggressively will make you feel upset and will put you and your partner in the defensive mode and cause them not to be able to hear what you or they are trying to say.
You have to learn to stop being blunt and stop approaching conflict in a way that the conversation will spiral out of control. Doing this will make your partner feel like you are blaming them or them being afraid to talk to you because they don’t know how you will react.
Conversations that have a lot of tension will cause there to be an immediate disconnect instead of a connection that can leave you feeling loved and heard. We have to decide what kind of cycle we are going to have when we decide to converse with people. Will you leave them feeling loved and protected or unloved and not valued?
No matter what kind of conversation you are having, you need to have a good intention. Look inside of yourself and figure out what you are doing wrong and figure out how to approach communication in the right way. Put your heart into the conversation and have patience and be aware as to how you are making the other person feel. Is your conversation coming from your heart? If the answer is no, this can lead to disagreements.
Change the way that you talk to people and this can make your relationship different. There are ways that you can soften yourself so that your relationship can be stronger.
Awareness
Be aware of what you are feeling before you start talking to your partner. Make sure you are not having conversations where you are accusing them or if it is a touchy topic, be careful how you react.
Being aware is the key to being able to focus on what you are saying and being aware of what your heart is feeling. If you start talking and you realize you are feeling in a bad mood or you are angry, this is not the best time to talk to your partner.
Imagine the times where you have talked to someone and you have acted aggressively or angrily because you did not create a safe space to talk and you were not able to handle your emotions well. When you are aware of what you are doing, you will be aware of when the right time to talk is.
Slow Down
One reason that conflicts come in communication is because the conversation moves too fast. When you are reacting in this way, it can cause you not to be able to fix the problem. Even though you feel like you are responding from the right place in your heart, you have to make sure that you and your partner are being heard.
Slow down and figure out what you are really feeling. Explore your feelings inside and do not hide your emotions even when they are upsetting. Let your partner know what you are feeling and identify if you are happy, sad or even mad.
When you slow down, you allow your mind to connect with your body and you learn to express yourself without being so vulnerable. This can cause you not to accuse and to share your emotions in a compassionate and connected way.
Attentive
Sometimes when we argue we think we are solving problems. We cannot do this if we do not understand things from our partners point of view. We do not always have to explain ourselves but sometimes we need to step back and allow our partner to be heard.
Make sure you are actively listening to what they are trying to tell you, and this can build trust and intimacy in your relationship. Do not interrupt and do not explain things, just allow them to talk.
When they finish speaking, repeat what they are sharing with you and let them know you heard them. Your partner wants to know that you are connected with them and this can bring a level of intimacy that you may not have had in the past.
Conclusion
These practices will help to save you from arguing and having terrible conversations. Learn to connect with your partner and to feel intimate with them both in body and in conversation. This can be impactful in your relationship and can allow there to be a beauty when you speak and communicate with each other.