Affairs don’t break marriages: it’s the unfaithful partner who doesn’t want to say the truth about what happened. This is according to Caroline Madden a California based marriage therapist who is a specialist when it comes to affair recovery.
If you are the one who cheated, what can you do to regain your partner’s trust?
Below are things you can do:
Let your spouse know how the affair started. Withholding information can damage a lot of things especially after confessing. What destroys relationships are information that comes out later after unfaithfulness. They will just believe the facts and start trusting again then boom, more information would surface.
The best thing to do according to Madden is to share all the details of the affair at once. What happened, how long it lasted and what you told your affair about your marriage. Tell them all these so that they decide whether to forgive you or not.
Answer every question your spouse asks after you’ve told them about your affair. Do anything your spouse wants so that you can feel more secure in the relationship. It just proves that you are ready to do what it takes as long as it will bring your relationship back on track.
You will have to cut communication with the other woman or man. And if they try reaching out to you, fess up.
If you’ve received a text from your affair partner tell you, spouse, right away because if you hide or delete that and your spouse finds out, it will not be easy for your marriage. They will sense that you are doing things behind their back by withholding information.
Taking full responsibility for the affair also means you getting tested for any sexually transmitted disease. Hiding an affair can take time, energy and attention away from your family. Now that you are done with it, go ahead and show your spouse that you are now ready to commit yourself to the marriage be it visiting a counselor or spending more time with family. All the energy that you had put in the past affair should now be directed to the family.
Forgiveness will not be immediate. Your spouse might continue questioning what happened even after telling them. Be willing to still give out details regardless of how hard that can be.
Your spouse has the final say whether to end the relationship or not. Reconnect with your spouse in a meaningful way to prove that your relationship is worth saving. Your spouse will need that connection even more. Be responsible for those calm and quiet moments. Time for just two of you with phones turned off. You will see that this kind of connection will make your relationship to last long.