Author: FamilyAndRelationships Author

Your relationship has ended, and it’s your fault. Maybe you cheated or lied. Whatever the screw-up, it’s time for you to come clean. No matter what happened, getting your ex back is going to take some work. It isn’t impossible, but all the striving in the world won’t necessarily get you the relationship you want.

It’s important for you to step back and figure out exactly what you’re missing. Is it your ex? Or it the lack of a relationship that’s actually bothering you? You could do everything in your power to try to get back together with your ex. But if the relationship was wrong to begin with, all you’re doing is wasting your time and your energy.

Once you have clarity on this point, and you indeed know it’s your ex that you miss, you can proceed. These six tips serve as a road map to lead you on your quest for forgiveness and hopefully land you a second chance.

1. Take responsibility.

We often think that offering an apology is a sign of weakness. But really, it’s the first step toward restoring things between you to where they’re good again. Taking responsibility for your role in what went wrong will open the door and clear the path to a healthier future for the relationship.

2. Be sincere.

Don’t apologize sloppily. What does that mean?

“Oh, my dearest, sweetest, wonderfullest beloved, I am the wrongest person in the world. Everything I did, I did for us, but I somehow went astray. I love you now and I always will. Please, please, please forgive me. I’m so, so, so very, very sorry.”

There are several issues with this approach. It’s pathetic, and it’s obvious that you want something. Now, you certainly want their forgiveness, but you shouldn’t make them lose all respect for you in the process!

Try something like this instead: “I want you to know that I’m truly sorry for ___” (fill in the blank with what you did). “It was the wrong thing to do, and it wasn’t fair. You deserve to be treated better than that, and I’m sorry.”

There are several reasons why this is better. First, you made it crystal-clear what you’re sorry for. You’re not groveling for every wrong in the entire relationship history, and you’re not coming across as a sappy, pathetic mess. You’re recognizing the hurt you caused, and you’re taking responsibility for it.

3. Understand that they may resent you for a while.

We sometimes hope that our magic apologetic words will make our ex immediately forget about everything that happened and fly back into our arms. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. Your ex may still upset with you, and may have difficulties trusting you the way they used to.

It’s never advisable to let somebody abuse you. But it’s totally up to you to decide the level of emotional backlash you’re willing to endure. Happy times may not return right away. However, don’t let anybody emotionally abuse you. Not even your beloved ex.

4. Allow them the time and space they need to forgive you.

Knowing that your ex is still hurting or upset may make you feel guilty. It’s understandable that you’re longing for things between you to go back to the way they were. You just want the whole distressing process to be over, so you can go back to being happy together.

But we often want all this far too quickly. It may take your ex a long time to feel good when you’re around. You must acknowledge this when seeking forgiveness. Give them space to process their feelings. You must let them work through their hurt and anger, which may linger even after they offer their forgiveness.

5. Don’t be defensive.

It’s important you remain calm and keep your head clear no matter what they toss your way. Don’t give in to the temptation to put up an emotional wall, to continue apologizing, or to offer further rationalizations for your behavior. Be patient, understand that they’re probably still upset about what’s going on, and make sure that they feel heard.

An affirmative statement such as, “I totally understand why you’re angry” is a great way to start. Let them get things out of their system, and then either gently redirect the conversation, or remove yourself from it. Revisiting the list of the 17 reasons why you acted the way you did, or apologizing again, will only stoke the emotional fire. Instead, stay focused on your goal: a return to a harmonious and trusting relationship with your ex.

Fighting and getting defensive will not help you reach that goal. This is difficult when it feels like you’re continually being attacked. But it’s important to avoid saying things you know will upset them. Keep your cool and don’t fight back.

6. Stop living in the past. Focus on the present and the future.

A significant mistake people often make with their ex is to keep operating according to negative patterns from the past when they’re trying to reunite. Instead of working to remind their ex how great things were when they first got together, they rehash old experiences and revert to negative habits.

This is the wrong approach if you really want forgiveness from your ex. It reminds you of negative patterns and reinforces unhealthy behaviors. If you’re going to get back together, it’s essential to break the cycle of negativity.

Even if you follow these tips, your ex’s forgiveness is not guaranteed. You may never receive complete forgiveness from your ex. But these seven tips are steps in the right direction. They’ll at least prove that you care enough to try and work things out.

There is no magic you can use when it comes to this, but I’m here to share with you my tips on how to stop overthinking in a relationship.

1. Communicate with your partner

Here is what you need to do. Propose a meetup today. You have been made a prisoner of your mind and have a hard time voicing your thoughts. In any case, you have experienced this before, now is the time to consider having talks.

You know your partner better, so just be sure of what you want to tell them and they will respond. If they think you are exaggerating your problems, just stay calm and tell them to do a small research. You will understand them better if you get familiar with how addictive behavior works.

Even if it will end with a fight, so be it. Communication is important for a healthy relationship; you need to speak up. Relationships need to grow and progress.

2. Refrain from analyzing your partner’s behavior

Do not stress over your partner’s behavior and how to deal with it. Rather, just live in the moment and don’t be disturbed. If you are always over-analyzing your partner’s words or keep thinking about a stranger’s perfume on their clothes, remind yourself that your assumptions were wrong.

3. Take charge of your insecurities (they are the ones making you an over thinker)

You need to improve your confidence. You can do so with the following activities; know that nobody’s perfect and silence your inner critic, appreciate every small success, prove that you have earned everything on your own. There are many things you can appreciate yourself for.

Be proactive also. If you have been overthinking about your partner cheating on you, hit the gym, maybe you are just frustrated, that’s why you’ve been thinking all that. This might take time, but as long as you stay positive and take action, you’ll stop overthinking.

4. Have some time alone daily

Having some “me” time enables you to emerge yourself in constructive thoughts.  The only time you can tone down and rest your mind is when you are left alone. Do not think that overthinking will stop all by itself. Having “me” time will help you control your thoughts. Therefore, try to at least rationalize. Do not overthink if maybe your partner is not answering your calls. Just take a deep breath if you are fine but your mind keeps looking for that one mistake.

5. Have friends who are not overthinkers

You must talk to friends who will make things easy. Although they will tell you to stop overthinking, they will always help you out. They are so clear-minded and should be with you every day. Do not discard their opinions even if you don’t like them. Pay attention to what they have to say. with time, you might realize that they were trying to prove a point.

6. Enjoy intimate moments because whatever you are worried about won’t happen

Constantly thinking about your fears might ruin your relationship. Therefore, try to be mindful and present at the moment rather than overthinking about how to stop overthinking in a relationship.

That’s why it is so important to regain control of your mind. Love is about building trust and allowing your thoughts to flow and not about making plans and solving problems. Do not let intimate moments pass you, enjoy every second of them.

It is not easy to know whether what you are feeling for a man is real or just crazy lust especially if you have brushed shoulders with yourself over a man, feeling bad about him one minute, and feeling all the positive vibes the next moment. Well, even men experience this too.

A man has two parts. One part of him may feel drawn and attracted to you while the other part that decides whether or not you are the one is likely to have its doubts.

When you start experiencing this a guy will probably begin showing his true colors.

One day he tells he’s not sure if he wants to date, the next moment he texts you and tells you how much he misses you and wants to see you again.

Now surely, what’s a woman supposed to do? Is there any woman who always wonder whether these men are flakes sometimes?

Paying attention to your instincts

Maybe you are dating someone and an inner voice keeps telling you he’s not the one even though you feel good about him in so many ways.

If that’s the case listen to it. If you pay attention to its amazing. Contemplate about it. How many times have you ignored that voice that warned you and goes ahead with something which later turned out to be a disaster?

Having a heart to heart with you

That voice is your intuition or rather let’s call it your “fourth brain.” And it’s the largest part lets appreciate your heart intelligence. When your intuition is speaking never ignore it.

It is the only thing that will tell you the truth. Especially when you meet a man, it will tell you if he’s the right man for you.

You will know this because you will feel different unlike when you were with other men.

You’ll calm down once the fourth brain senses that you are with your person. You will also feel peaceful, safe and be relaxed when around him.

When you spend all your time trying to figure a man out, then you are definitely with the wrong man.

Linking up with your inner knowing

What do you love apart from him? You should be able to know that.

Imagine just feeling relaxed because someone truly loves and is dedicated to you.

the best thing about being tuned with your fourth brain is that it can make you more attractive to a man.

He will find it hard to resist you. He will get attracted to you without even knowing since you’ll look sexy, grounded, confident and real.

Of course, he can discover that you are interested to talk to but there will be something about you that melts his soul.

The heart chakra is the area that connects your energy to your center and gives you the ability to love and get love.  If you have been emotionally wounded throughout your life, you have energy that has impacted you and you have learned how to manage your heart energy.

Even if you are an adult and you have learned to have love, you need to energize your heart chakra to expand your ability to give and receive love.  This is a healing gift for all of us.  Here are some ways to do this.

Push-Ups

If you think I am not being serious, I am.  Even though I don’t like push-ups either, doing three or four of them can help you to focus on the center movement of your heart and can help you to get back to the connection with your planet.  Straighten your body and with your weight on your arms, take a deep breath, exhale and then when you breath back in, bend your elbows and lower yourself as far as you can.  You don’t have to go far, but while you do it, focus on your heart area and imagine a green light coming into your chakra from the center of the earth.

Hug

Give yourself love and appreciation.  This can add to your heart chakra.  Tell yourself that you love you and that you appreciate yourself.  Give yourself a big hug and know that you are really appreciated.

Up to the Heavens

Everyday, stretch your arms up to the sky like you are lifting your whole body to heaven. Take a deep breath and say, “I open my heart up to the Divine Power.”  Di this even when you feel too much ego or if you don’t feel like you can surrender your heart.  This is important so that you can let love come through.

Breath in Your Heart

Use conscious breathing so that you can notice how deep your awareness is.  This can help you to know what your heart is feeling.  Take a deep breath and close your eyes and mediate.  Imagine energy going downward each time you take a breath in and bring it in from the heart space.  Imagine the energy coming form heaven into your heart.  Imagine the color green and white or golden. With each breath, let your heart take in the energy.  Exhale through the entire being.

Heart Chant

Do a chant that helps you to not feel overwhelmed in your life.  Say “I open my Heart to surrender to love.”  Sing it over and over again until you feel the energy going back into your heart.

When you watch shows about being catfished, it is easy to talk about how fake the person is.  Sometimes it is easy to tell that they are being fake, at least when you are on the outside looking in.

Are you dating online?  Have you ever felt like a complete idiot because you were being catfished?

Here are some ways to tell if you are being catfished or not:

1. He Doesn’t Work but Went to Harvard College.  Some people that are on dating sites talk about going to Harvard college.  It is extremely fishy when they have a degree from such a known college but then they tell you they don’t work or they are unemployed.
2. His Pictures Are Too Hard to See. It is hard to tell who you are talking to by just looking at pictures.  If you are given pictures and they are hard to see or they are all group pictures, there is a good chance you are being catfished.
3. He Won’t Call You. Given the chance to talk to someone on the phone helps you to know them way better than if you just talk online.  If someone you are talking to on a dating site refuses to let you talk to them, you might be being catfished.  It could be someone even from the opposite gender that they say they are.
4. He Always Says Video Chat is Broken. In this day and age, there are many ways to video chat someone.  If who your talking to says that they can’t video chat you because it is broken, chances are you are being catfished.
5. He Doesn’t Have Snapchat. Almost everyone has Snapchat.  If he doesn’t then he might not be real.  Ask him to download it if he doesn’t have it.
6. If They Ask for Money. Don’t ever give someone money that you don’t know.  If they have just met you or are online dating sites, they are probably trying to scam you out of your money.
7. Their Job Makes Them Travel and They Can Never Meet You. Being out of town is a reason that someone might not be able to meet you once in a while.  If you are talking to someone and they say that they have a job that makes them ALWAYS be out of town, they are probably catfishing you and don’t want you to see them.
8. They Look Famous or Too Perfect. When people use fake photos, they usually use photos that look too good.  If you find someone that looks like they have fake photos, they probably do.  If someone takes a picture with a smartphone, they will not always be perfect.
9. They Seem Fairy Tale Like. If someone seems too perfect, they probably are.  Listen to your inner being if you feel like they are being fake.  If they have nothing wrong with them, they probably aren’t real.
10. You Have A Gut Feeling. If your gut is telling you something isn’t right, it probably isn’t.  Get out of the situation and shut it down real fast.

The most important experiences of our lives are formed by our relationships.  Relationships help your bodies and souls as we learn our life lessons. We see ourselves in the mirrored reflection of other people. Relationships teach us how to love and forgive.  These are important life lessons.  There are some simple ways to make your relationships pass a little more peacefully.

Love yourself

Don’t expect your relationships to make you feel fulfilled. Figure out what you are missing and fix that first. If you have unfinished business and pain from your childhood, do what you can to fix that  first  so you can work on closing the emptiness. You can do this by taking some time for yourself. Spend time alone and give yourself what you want from others.

Don’t blame or judge

Do you like to be criticized? How about judged?  The answer is probably “no.  Before you start with the complaining and accusations, ask yourself why you are reacting that way? It is your feelings? Why are you striking out at someone else.  Think about the lesson you could be learning from your feelings. Try and understand why you are feeling the way you are.  Your feelings are a way for you to grow.

Honesty is the best policy

If you want a true and lasting relationship, you have to be honest with your partner. Don’t be afraid to tell them what you feel and think. Don’t try to manipulate them with your words.  Don’t hold back because you are afraid. You can be honest and respectful. Not only will this help you feel satisfied, it will help your partner will be honest with you.

Live in the moment

Life changes constantly. There is no such thing as permanence. Life and all of it’s forms are in a constant cycle. If we are truly to enjoy our lives, we need to allow ourselves to enjoy the moment to moment nature. There is no permanence so let your baggage go and enjoy your life.

It’s not uncommon to make assumptions about people or places that you don’t know. It’s part of being human. So it is easy to assume the worst about a total stranger.  Our decision making is is part of a three pronged process.

Here’s how we make our decisions:

How we were raised. The way we were brought up greatly influences how determine our impressions and make our decisions. This ingrained belief system helps us decided what to think and what to believe.

Our experiences.  Many of us know that our experiences teach us valuable lessons. Any child who has burned themselves knows not to touch the stove or iron ever again.  You can  read that snow is cold, but until you have stood in a blizzard, you can’t really know.

Choices Possibly the most important component in our decision making is our free will. It is our free will that allows us to choose. No matter how we were raised or what lessons we have learned, it is our choices that gives our life shape.

And, when we see someone behaving in an unfamiliar way, we judge them without taking into consideration their experiences or beliefs or the way they were raised.

 Case study of snap judging

A man and a woman, Dustin And Jessica were so attracted to each other. they seemed destined to be together. Each felt that the other had been placed in their lives by the universe.  After a while, Dustin decided to help things along and they eventually moved in together. Soon Dustin asked Jessica to marry him. Shortly after this, the trouble started.

The trouble began when Dustin’s mother told him that she didn’t approve because Jessica was over a decade older than him. He began to spend less and less time with him.   Soon the couple began to argue.  Eventually Jessica began to doubt Dustin’s love for her.   As this happened, Dustin began to criticize his lady love.

A few months later they split up. As a result, they missed each other terrible and were quite miserable. Neither could explain what had happened to their happy lives  This all came about from the snap judgements of their families and friends.

This whole story would have had a happy ending if Dustin’s support system hadn’t been so quick to judge his relationship because of their age difference. If they had considered that they were pushing their own values on this couple, they wouldn’t have interfered with this couple’s potential for happiness.

We always think perfect relationships exist, which is not the case. This is because people are very complicated, especially when trying to connect with each other.

If you feel like your relationship is having ups and downs, it doesn’t mean its broken. Your relationship can still be saved through communication, willingness to grow together and respect for each other. It’s true that you can’t try to save all relationships, but there are those you can try at least.

Below are signs that your relationship is worth saving:

1. YOU ARE BOTH SENSITIVE TO EACH OTHER’S NEEDS

The fact that you might not be happy in a relationship because your partner is not, is the greatest news ever. This means that if you didn’t care about the relationship and your partner then you would just be undertaking your daily activities normally without feeling anything.  This, therefore, suggests that there is a chance that your relationship can be saved until that time where nobody will no longer care.

The relationship is not over until that time that the connection between you and your partner will loosen. Unless one of you cut that connection, your relationship can still be saved.

2. THERE’S MORE TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP, NOT SEX ONLY.

One of the good things about sex is that it can be learned. If you and your partner have both emotional and intellectual connection but the physical connection is lacking, then, of course, your relationship can be saved.

As long as you are interested in fulfilling your partner’s needs you can do it. And your partner’s satisfaction will make you happy.

You can initiate eroticism in your everyday routine. You can sex chat and flirt the whole day. You can engage in activities like cooking together and give each other a massage after that. If your sexual life is hindered by other things such as stress at work, its better you inform your partner so that they know.  They can as well suggest ways you can relieve the burden.

3. BOTH OF YOU ARE WILLING TO CHANGE AND PROGRESS ON

There is nothing good about a relationship that needs you to bend over backward to accommodate your partner. A relationship that is built on codependency cannot be saved.

There will only be changed in one way. This only happens with time and when you are close with an individual. You should be able to get used to every situation that life brings.

Your relationship can be saved if both of you can talk about what’s going on and how it’s affecting your relationship.  Ask yourself what you can do to repair the rifts that the changes have impacted.

4. YOU ARE BOTH FREE TO COMMUNICATE YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS TO EACH OTHER

Your relationship can be saved if you are willing to share your unhappiness with your partner or comprehend your partner’s unhappiness.

Communicating healthily with your partner allows you to be there for each other without jealousy or ego getting involved. Be sensitive to what they are going through and don’t be rude to them.

Your relationship has an optimistic look if both of you are willing to pay attention to each other and hear what the other is saying respectfully and with an open mind. Honest communication is the foundation of every relationship. That’s the reality.

5. YOU FEEL SAFE AND SECURE WITH YOUR PARTNER

I know you wouldn’t like to be with someone who makes you feel unappreciated, unloved and someone who makes you question your self-worth. There are insecurities in every relationship especially due to past experiences, but this doesn’t mean that your relationship has no direction. The relationship can still be saved as long as you and your partner are not actively using those insecurities against each other.

In an unhealthy relationship, there is a high chance of a partner taking advantage of your insecure situation to make you feel bad since they know you’re vulnerable.

In a healthy relationship, there are insecurities but if you have a very understanding partner then they won’t trigger them. Your relationship will survive as long as you are honest and respect each other.